Fuck Politeness

By Deeply Indigo- January 22, 2024

Hey bitch, how are you? With January coming to a close, I believe this is a good time to sit down and reflect upon ourselves. I began the year full of hopes and aspirations for myself. I told myself that I would become a better person, start going to the gym, establish better self-care practices, and all that jazz. All was going well for this Twink but ultimately, somewhere within the past month, these goals seemed to drift out of my mind.

It's simple really, the goals I had set myself revolved around the idea of making myself more ‘marketable’ towards the male market. What I mean by this: I told myself to hit the gym, not because I wanted to, but because I felt that a better body equals more attention. I wanted to be more polite, and smile more because it would make me seem warmer and more welcoming. These ideas soon became issues, as I found myself pushing myself to practice things that neither made me happier nor attracted the men I truly wanted. The problem with taking on a facade, and crafting this seemingly ‘perfect’ identity, is that you will then be met with people who share these values themselves. I consider myself to be dark, and sometimes twisty, basically a part of the ‘counterculture’. Crafting myself into this bright and shiny, healthy, figure would in essence do away with everything that makes me, me.

In the past, I dyed my vibrant purple hair into an ugly ‘normal’ brown. I did this because many men found the purple unattractive. In changing my hair, I discovered that I received more attention from the gays but I was unhappy with my appearance. A few months later, I bleached and redyed my hair. What I found was that I received less attention from the ‘normal’ men, but in turn, began receiving compliments from people who shared my ‘edgy’ style.

My entire life, I have strived to please those around me. Constantly doing favors I did not want to do, and putting myself in situations I did not want to be in. I did this in hopes of luring in a friend or two. Yes, I was successful in attracting people toward me, but they were people who only served to make me even more unhappy and uncomfortable. I don’t do well with criticism, and I absolutely hate receiving stares from the public. In being my true self- wearing the clothes I enjoy, the hair I adore, the piercings I want- I am opening myself up for these criticisms.

It took a while for me to comprehend the truth. People are ‘normal’ ‘basic’ ‘average’ because it’s easier. It’s easy to shop at Lulu Lemon, Gymshark, Ugg, Nike, and consider yourself ‘part of the crowd’. It’s easy to be normal. You receive less criticism, accept more invitations, and basically you ‘fit in’. Nobody likes feeling left out. In being my most authentic self, and reflecting my identity on the outside, I am opening myself up to fewer, but more rewarding invitations. I am attracting less, but receiving a better quality of attention.

Who the fuck cares if people like me, if I don’t like myself. So instead of following these unattainable standards, I am focusing on setting my own standards. I am focusing on what makes me feel good. Fuck politeness. Fuck fitting in. If I feel comfortable with myself, then the rest should fall into place.

Hugs and Kisses,

Deeply Indigo